Papayas & Portals
I know it’s been a while, far past my promised return. If you’re still here and reading this, thank you for hanging in and trusting the re-emergence.
There’s a lot I want to share, but only so much space. For now, let me offer a few stories: unfamiliar places, new friends, chosen sisters, Suan Sati, and the strange sensation of stepping out of a portal.
I spent 38 days at Suan Sati, a yoga retreat center about 45 minutes outside of Chiang Mai, Thailand. It rests among rice paddies, with farmland and mountains all around, a place where body, mind, and heart find rhythm again. Each day holds two yoga classes, one workshop, and vegan meals prepared with incredible love by the Thai staff (chef’s kiss to Pee Bow, who kept the kitchen glowing).
August and the beginning of September were spent in this abundance. I was lucky enough to teach alongside two intelligent, hilarious, insightful, and beautiful teachers, women who quickly became my sisters. We share platform reef sandals, a group chat, and more laughter than I can count. And then there was our Princess Praew — so cute, so fun, absolute chocolate lover, and maker of the most beautiful sister bracelets we received before parting. I had so much fun becoming her sister too. Together, the three of them embraced me in a way that made me feel at home instantly.
I cried when Cassie left for Vietnam (I rarely cry in front of anyone but my mom, so this was big). With Marcia, the tears stayed hidden. We said goodbye walking home in the dark, and I distracted myself with the after-effects of a smash burger and strawberry soda. Still, the parting was felt.
People often talk about soulmates in the language of romance: husband, wife, partner. But sometimes friendship offers the deepest tether of all, a stable and enduring recognition between souls. That’s what I felt. They pulled me out of my introverted shell, embraced me as I am, and reminded me how much chemistry friendship can hold.
During this time, I rewrote a part of myself. Marcia told me to float and see where it goes, that I would land safely. Cassie, ever the spreadsheet queen, reminded me of the safety in plans. I sit somewhere between them, floating with a spreadsheet in my hand.
Teaching here was unlike anything before. Never had I led a two-hour and fifteen-minute vinyasa class, and yet, hired only a week before arriving, I was sketching sequences on the plane. I began experimenting, rolling around the cabanas and my room floor, testing new ways to weave asanas and concepts together. I borrowed from unfamiliar methodologies, researched deeply, and allowed curiosity to lead. I grew, and I am still growing.
It was beautiful, strange, sometimes uncomfortable, but filled with curiosity. I’m excited to step into new trainings and workshops across Southeast Asia. And yes, I’ll be back at Suan Sati next May for retreat season. Come find me among the rice paddies, teachers, and food.
I am also grateful to my bosses, Will and Lisa, kind, generous people who immediately put me at ease. And their kids? Adorable.
On our last night, they asked us to sum up Guest House season in one word. I froze. I’m somewhat of a slow thinker. What came out was “photosynthesis,” the process of light becoming life. Later, I thought of papaya.
Papaya was the first fruit I fell in love with when I moved to Bali however many years ago. Sweet, bright, familiar, a symbol of coming home. Now, as I step into my 32nd year of life and 12th year of teaching, papaya returns to me as the same symbol: a marker of cycles, of beginnings and returns, of sweetness earned. Life is full circle, but wiser with each loop.
So my word is actually a process and a fruit. Both, somehow, say it all.
This season at Suan Sati was not a break or a detour, but a continuation of teaching, learning, connecting, laughing, and growing. Every guest carried a different constellation of stories, and every cohort offered something unique. I feel privileged to have been a witness to it all.
Thank you for reaching the end of this little recap.
Another entry in the Archive, another loop in the cycle. Suan Sati left its imprint: rice paddies, friendships, papayas, and I carry it forward as both memory and momentum. Until the next chapter, may we keep photosynthesizing.
—Shan
