It’s been a while, I know. Far past my promised return. If you’re still here and reading this, thank you for holding space for the re-emergence.

There’s a lot to share, but for now, let me offer a window: unfamiliar places, chosen sisters, the textures of Suan Sati, and the strange sensation of stepping through what felt like a portal.

I spent 38 days at Suan Sati, a yoga retreat center about 45 minutes outside Chiang Mai, Thailand. Nestled among rice paddies with farmland and mountains on every side, it is a place where body, mind, and heart find coherence again. Days unfolded in a steady cadence: two yoga classes, one workshop, and vegan meals prepared with incredible love by the Thai staff. Shout out to Pee Bow for holding it down in the kitchen!

This was August into September, a season of abundance. I taught alongside two intelligent, hilarious, insightful, and beautiful women who quickly became my sisters. We share platform reef sandals, a group chat, and more laughter than I can possibly count. And then there was our Princess Praew, adorable and endlessly fun, an absolute chocolate lover, and the maker of the most beautiful sister bracelets that we received before parting. I had so much joy becoming her sister too. Together, the three of them made me feel at home instantly.

I cried when Cassie left for Vietnam, which is rare for me outside of moments with my mom. With Marcia, the tears stayed hidden. We said goodbye walking home in the dark, my mind distracted by the after-effects of a smash burger and strawberry soda, but the parting was deeply felt.

People often reserve the term “soulmate” for romantic partners. Yet sometimes friendship offers the deepest tether: a stable and enduring recognition between souls. That is what I felt. These women pulled me out of my introverted shell and reminded me how much chemistry friendship can hold.

Co-living: Anxiety and Revelation

When I arrived, I will admit I was anxious about co-living. Sharing space with strangers, bathrooms, meals, downtime, all carried its own tension. Anthropologists such as Victor Turner speak of communitas, the sense of deep, egalitarian connection that arises in liminal spaces. Retreat centers, much like rites of passage, dismantle our usual routines. At first this dismantling can feel destabilizing, but slowly something else emerges.

I discovered that co-living did not drain me as I feared. Instead, it rekindled my love for connection. I was reminded that I am, in fact, a deeply social creature, one who thrives in the presence of others. Research across anthropology and evolutionary biology affirms this: humans are inherently cooperative beings. Sarah Hrdy’s work on alloparenting and “cooperative breeding” suggests that our species evolved to survive through interdependence rather than isolation. My own weeks at Suan Sati made me feel that truth viscerally.

Co-living taught me to digest experience differently. Sometimes slowly, like a difficult meal; other times quickly, in bursts of laughter over shared sandals or kitchen jokes. It gave me permission to process at different speeds. And in that processing, I relearned how to live differently, not only alongside others but alongside myself.

Food as Practice, Food as Process

Another layer of this experience was food. I had spent the past three years eating meat after more than a decade of being vegetarian. Returning to a fully vegan diet at Suan Sati required me to think differently about nourishment. I had to consider protein consumption, sources of omega-3s, and the way plant-based foods metabolize compared to animal products.

From a nutritional standpoint, animal protein is considered “complete,” containing all essential amino acids in a single source. Plant proteins often need to be combined—beans with rice, tofu with grains—to provide the same profile. Omega-3 fatty acids, which support brain and cardiovascular health, are more bioavailable in fish than in flax or chia seeds, which rely on the body’s ability to convert ALA into EPA and DHA at a relatively low rate. I vaguely understood these facts before, but living them again, day after day, gave me a new awareness of how different forms of nourishment land in the body.

And yet, food is never just chemistry. As Sidney Mintz reminds us in Sweetness and Power, food is also about culture, memory, and meaning. Returning to veganism was not only a nutritional recalibration, it was also a ritual of belonging. Each colorful curry and papaya slice became part of the daily fabric, a reminder of adaptability and the cyclical nature of habits.

Walking, Listening, Digesting

One afternoon the girls and I wandered out to Blessings Café, a small open-air spot accessible through the rice fields. It was the only time I went, but it stays with me. The walk itself became its own kind of ritual. Sometimes I would video chat with my mom; other times I would listen to Ram Dass live sessions, thanks to Marcia’s suggestion. Track 7 in particular became an anchor. These walks were not about the destination but about digestion: of thought, of experience, of life.

Teaching and Floating

Teaching here was unlike anything I had done before. Never had I led a two-hour-and-fifteen-minute vinyasa class. Hired only a week before arriving, I found myself sketching sequences on the plane, rolling around cabana floors testing transitions, and experimenting with new methodologies. I researched, borrowed, improvised, and allowed curiosity to lead.

Marcia encouraged me to float, to trust the current. Cassie, ever the spreadsheet queen, reminded me of the safety in plans. I sit somewhere between them now: floating with a spreadsheet in hand.

Photosynthesis and Papaya

On our last night, Will and Lisa, the generous founders of Suan Sati, asked us to sum up Guest House season in one word. I froze. I am not quick with words under pressure. What came out was “photosynthesis,” the process of light becoming life. Later, another word arrived: papaya.

Papaya was the first fruit I loved when I moved to Bali a decade ago. Sweet, bright, familiar, it became a symbol of coming home. Now, at 32, entering my twelfth year of teaching, papaya returns as the same symbol: cycles, beginnings and returns, sweetness earned. Photosynthesis and papaya together became my words for the season: light transformed into life, fruit ripened by time.

Carrying the Imprint

This season at Suan Sati was not a break or a detour but a continuation: of teaching, learning, connecting, laughing, and growing. Every guest carried their own constellation of stories, and each cohort brought something unique. I feel privileged to have been a witness.

If there is one anthropological truth that settled into me during these 38 days, it is that we are shaped in and through others. We need community, nourishment, and shared stories to survive. Clifford Geertz once wrote that humans are “suspended in webs of significance” that we ourselves have spun. At Suan Sati, those webs were made of yoga mats, laughter, shared meals, playlists, rice paddies, and late-night tears.

Thank you for reaching the end of this long reflection. Another entry in the Archive, another loop in the cycle. Suan Sati left its imprint: rice paddies, vegan meals, Princess Praew’s bracelets, papayas, and a reminder that we are built for co-living, for connection, for photosynthesis.

Until the next chapter, may we keep transforming light into life.

—Shan

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Papayas & Portals